My Mother the Buddhist

I am pretty confident in the assertion that my mother was originally a Buddhist when she came to America. While I don’t recall her ever visiting a Buddhist Temple for service, I fondly remember attending the various Buddhist festivals that my mother took me to when I was a child. When I was young and living in San Diego, I also recall her getting together with some of her Japanese friends on occasion, to honor my mother’s father.
One of these ceremonies or rituals is what I will refer to as Obon, the Bon Festival. There was a constructed worship area with the Japanese Buddha, pictures of departed relatives, a Buddhist chime bowl, and incense to either place inside the bowl or a separate holder. The aspects of these ceremonies I recall the most were the lighting of the incense (which my mother often let me do) and the leaving behind of food and beverage. After Jimmy passed, we returned to his graveside during the summer (I am guessing it was always August 15th after researching) and paid our respects, leaving food and water behind. When I asked my mother why, she told me this was for the spirit of Jimmy, allowing him to return and share food for that day. They had deliberately chosen a grave where the gravestone was set so that visitors would be looking westward – roughly in the direct of the far east/Japan. It was also in the direction of the Pacific Ocean. I remember her telling me this was important, because Jimmy’s spirit could easily return from the sea.
If one were to research Buddhist beliefs about death and re-birth, most feel that cremation is an acceptable practice, including my mother and Jimmy. Had they not purchased a plot at Green Hills Mortuary, it would have been acceptable for me to scatter her ashes at sea. Thankfully I did not need to make that decision, as the couple made arrangements to be buried together so their spirits could be together for eternity.
After checking the donations that were given at Jimmy’s funeral, I noticed that the matrons at the local Buddhist Temple in Gardena gave $35; this is a few blocks from where they lived, and I know my mother still visited there for the festivals in the 1990s when I moved in with them. The decision has been made to put words “soul mates forever” underneath, after adding my mother’s name to the gravestone at Green Hills. My mother’s graveside funeral service and interment ceremony has been scheduled for Wednesday November 18th at 11am. With any luck I will be returning to California to work this year, and I will make it a point to visit my mother and stepfather’s grave on Obon day and/or October 28th (the day she passed).